Beyond Fart Balls

Behold Subway’s new “Meat” ball sandwich that they call the Beyond Meatball (TM) Marinara. Today we will be unwrapping the 6 incher because that’s about all I can take (that’s what she said). I will be aiming more about Beyond in this blog piece, but before I shift the focus off of Subway… Does everyone remember Jared?

For the record, I didn’t create this particular Jared meme. I found it on the interwebs, so if you are offended please consult with Google. 😂 The Beyond sub details are as follows:

If you are curious about finding out more you can check it out here: https://www.beyondmeat.com/whats-new/subway-and-beyond-meat-team-up/

What is it made of? 

The site says “The Beyond Meatball™ is a co-developed product, integrating our plant-based protein blend made from peas, brown rice and mung beans, and Subway’s proprietary breadcrumb mixture.”

Subway’s proprietary mixture eh? 🤔

Ok, let’s dive into the unboxing…errrrr unwrapping shall we:

OK, they kind of just look like meatballs – what’s the verdict rhum?

– Taste: It’s not too bad actually. It is a bit blander than your regular meatballs – but when you dress it up with your preferred toppings and sauces you would likely be hard-pressed to notice too much of a difference. I suspect if you bought one for someone else that was not a food connoisseur and told them it was a regular meatball sub that they wouldn’t bat an eye 👍

– Smell: I didn’t pay too much attention to the smell when it was not in my mouth, but while chewing your tastebuds and nose tend to work together – something was a little it different as I mentioned but not drastically different as some of you may be suspecting 👍

Texture: It’s not that bad. Pretty darn close to beeing beef-like, without actually being beef so kudos on that Beyond 👍

Here is Subway’s normal Meatball offering so you have a visual to compare to – See I am always thinking of you and knew you wanted to be able to compare 😉

Aftermath: Here is the stinker… Literally – the stinker. This gave me gas, big time! I was farting up a storm the rest of the day and night. My wife and kids didn’t want to be around me for the rest of the day either. Can’t say I blame them. This is why I dub them the Beyond Fart Balls… besides, they are not made of meat anyways, so why call them meatballs. 🤷 A more appropriate name if you ask me anyway.

Also, note that these Fart Balls cost more than the regular meatballs too. A regular 6 inches costs $4.49 versus the $6.99 for Beyond’s – that’s a (do your own damn math) a lot more.

And for you porkier fellows looking to watch your waistline, well I hate to break it to you, but these balls are swimming in extra calories. The non-sauce version has more than the regular meatballs with sauce. 430 Calories verses 500 to be exact. If you are still interested I did some legwork on how you can burn those extra calories – thank for the suggestion later 🤣

I do like homemade meatballs more I must admit, but when you are looking for something on the go then Subway’s options do make sense. Here is a sample of my little Asian balls:

I should set it straight for the record that I am not Vegetarian myself as You can see me making my meatballs, However, our family does have numerous vegetarian meals mixed into the shuffle. I make a killer Eggplant parm btw 🍆. And on that note, I think there is value here for people that are vegetables – I mean Vegetarians or simply people that want to reduce the amount of meat in their diets. The farting issue with these balls needs to be ironed out and I have tried they Beyond burgers before and have not experienced the same issue – so it must be something in Subway special sauce 😷

Anyways, that is more than enough talk about balls – move on to the chart already FFS!

Disclaimer: I am not a certified comedian – please consult a comedian before having a laugh – same applies to any financial advice you might take away from my posts. If you can donate that would mean a lot to me and help to fuel me to keep going. Also, feel free to give me any feedback. Good, bad, or ugly. Thanks.

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