Beyond Fart Balls

Behold Subway’s new “Meat” ball sandwich that they call the Beyond Meatball (TM) Marinara. Today we will be unwrapping the 6 incher because that’s about all I can take (that’s what she said). I will be aiming more about Beyond in this blog piece, but before I shift the focus off of Subway… Does everyone remember Jared?

For the record, I didn’t create this particular Jared meme. I found it on the interwebs, so if you are offended please consult with Google. 😂 The Beyond sub details are as follows:

If you are curious about finding out more you can check it out here:

What is it made of? 

The site says “The Beyond Meatball™ is a co-developed product, integrating our plant-based protein blend made from peas, brown rice and mung beans, and Subway’s proprietary breadcrumb mixture.”

Subway’s proprietary mixture eh? 🤔

Ok, let’s dive into the unboxing…errrrr unwrapping shall we:

OK, they kind of just look like meatballs – what’s the verdict rhum?

– Taste: It’s not too bad actually. It is a bit blander than your regular meatballs – but when you dress it up with your preferred toppings and sauces you would likely be hard-pressed to notice too much of a difference. I suspect if you bought one for someone else that was not a food connoisseur and told them it was a regular meatball sub that they wouldn’t bat an eye 👍

– Smell: I didn’t pay too much attention to the smell when it was not in my mouth, but while chewing your tastebuds and nose tend to work together – something was a little it different as I mentioned but not drastically different as some of you may be suspecting 👍

Texture: It’s not that bad. Pretty darn close to beeing beef-like, without actually being beef so kudos on that Beyond 👍

Here is Subway’s normal Meatball offering so you have a visual to compare to – See I am always thinking of you and knew you wanted to be able to compare 😉

Aftermath: Here is the stinker… Literally – the stinker. This gave me gas, big time! I was farting up a storm the rest of the day and night. My wife and kids didn’t want to be around me for the rest of the day either. Can’t say I blame them. This is why I dub them the Beyond Fart Balls… besides, they are not made of meat anyways, so why call them meatballs. 🤷 A more appropriate name if you ask me anyway.

Also, note that these Fart Balls cost more than the regular meatballs too. A regular 6 inches costs $4.49 versus the $6.99 for Beyond’s – that’s a (do your own damn math) a lot more.

And for you porkier fellows looking to watch your waistline, well I hate to break it to you, but these balls are swimming in extra calories. The non-sauce version has more than the regular meatballs with sauce. 430 Calories verses 500 to be exact. If you are still interested I did some legwork on how you can burn those extra calories – thank for the suggestion later 🤣

I do like homemade meatballs more I must admit, but when you are looking for something on the go then Subway’s options do make sense. Here is a sample of my little Asian balls:

I should set it straight for the record that I am not Vegetarian myself as You can see me making my meatballs, However, our family does have numerous vegetarian meals mixed into the shuffle. I make a killer Eggplant parm btw 🍆. And on that note, I think there is value here for people that are vegetables – I mean Vegetarians or simply people that want to reduce the amount of meat in their diets. The farting issue with these balls needs to be ironed out and I have tried they Beyond burgers before and have not experienced the same issue – so it must be something in Subway special sauce 😷

Anyways, that is more than enough talk about balls – move on to the chart already FFS!

Disclaimer: I am not a certified comedian – please consult a comedian before having a laugh – same applies to any financial advice you might take away from my posts. If you can donate that would mean a lot to me and help to fuel me to keep going. Also, feel free to give me any feedback. Good, bad, or ugly. Thanks.

Donate with PayPal


One thought on “Beyond Fart Balls

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s